This generation where I grew up in is probably the reason why I’m feeling so restless with how my life is turning out. I can honestly say when I was sixteen, I already have my life figured out.
I swore to myself that by 23, I would be in a bigger city doing something that has to do with medicine, moved in into a cute apartment with white bed sheets and I would finally be happy.
This was cliche to a sixteen year old who didn’t know anything about responsibilities and how the world is not kind to people with big dreams.
I wanted it all. And I feel like I’m running out of time.
In reality, I have a job that pays well although I’m still in the city where I grew up in. I also have more than what I need when it comes to affection. And I still have my dreams tucked in me despite how things are turning out.
I sound like a whiny “millennial” when I tell people I feel lost. People would say others have it worse. That I’m already lucky to have this. Believe me, this has nothing to do with lack of gratitude or discontentment.
I know how blessed I am. ( I hate how entitled this sounds)
I just have this feeling that I’m living out my mediocre potential. I know there’s something more for me out there.
I just feel so lost. And I want to cave in. This routine life is caging me into a comfort zone that is not actually comfortable.
This is as raw as quarter life crisis can get.
The only thing that keeps me going right now is the thought that I’m doing a lot better than my 16 year old spoiled self and some people of my age. This is my assurance that maybe in due time, I will finally have it figured out.
I also know that I’ve been so hard on myself. I’m a stubborn person and I don’t react well with being turned down.
This uncertainty is making me anxious.
Will it be worth it?
Will the frustration end?
Will I be finally happy with how far I’ve come?
So many questions for a girl whom the universe owes nothing.
Hoping this will go away when I’ll wake up.
Or better yet, I’ll wake up with a hope that never goes away.
(Shoutout to Erika Lagunzad for inspiring me to write without pretentions 😊😊)