On My Paranoid Mind

You’ve been hanging alot with your friends, I really hope you are happy. I know you’re trying to find something to put your mind on. And that’s when you’ll caught her eye. She’s a shy girl in the corner of the room full of wasted people you don’t even know. You’ll find a way to talk to her because you’re that kind of person, always the life of the party. Maybe you’ll first notice her hair or how sad she is. And you’ll talk about your common friends and the things going on the party. You’ll soon realize how nice this girl is. You’ll soon have her name or even her number.

And I’ll stop writing here. I don’t want to think what will happen next. I want to be selfish and ask you to remember my crooked teeth when you see her smile. I want you to remember my dirty shoes when she walks ahead of you. I want you to remember how I held your hand when your driving when she’s sitting on the passenger seat on your way to your first date. I want you to remember to remember how we used to have breakfast together when you are having a fancy dinner.

I want you to remember me, in any way possible, when you’re looking at this girl and say “she’s not her”.

Maybe Not Right Now

I don’t believe in destiny. I don’t believe how everything is already planned like a tapestry. Like this is all some big conspiracy and we are all just victims. Maybe I met you wrongly. Maybe I walked in a little bit early and messed up the plans of the universe.

Maybe I was meant to meet you in a coffee while you’re sipping americano and I’m reading a book. You’ll watch me from a far and I’ll think you’re a creeper. But you’re going to be one of those dapper boys reading today’s news so I’ll continue to enjoy my coffee and a little later, you’ll approach me asking about the book I’m reading. You’ll see how my eyes will light up when I talk about it.

Maybe I was meant to bump into you in a party where the faces are more from strangers than friends. Under the dim lights, I’ll happen to notice yours was the least familiar but somehow I feel like we’ve known each other for the longest time. We’ll talk over the noise about stuff that doesnt matter because we both know we’ll never see each other again after tonight.

Maybe I’ll caught your eye in the university lobby. Soon enough, I’ll memorize your class schedule and our by chance meeting will turn into daily occurences of awkward glances. Maybe I’ll never know your name or we could never be on first name basis. And I would be okay with that.

I’d like to think this why we never worked out. We tipped the balance of whatever is holding us grounded, whether its gravity or destiny. We tiptoed on a fine thread for so long hoping to get to the other side intact and sane. All of a sudden, it broke. We didn’t fell nor lost our balance. What was holding us just broke.

And the world doesn’t need anymore tragedies. We could complain how unfair the universe works but we are just living stars under the dead ones. We cannot have constancy. And we have a lifetime to accept this universal truth.

Maybe I’ll meet you in another time, maybe by then our clocks will tick in unison.